A decade ago, Talitha Rarasty viewed marriage as the ultimate life goal, a societal achievement akin to completing a checklist: education, career, matrimony, and family. Falling outside this prescribed path, she felt, was a sign of failure. Now, approaching her 36th birthday, the reality of an unmet marriage goal weighs on her. As a makeup artist specialising in weddings, she’s surrounded by the very event she’s yet to experience herself. “All of my friends my age are married,” she confides, “And yet here I am, almost 36… not because I don’t want to get married, but because I haven’t found the one.”
Talitha’s experience is far from unique. Across Indonesia, a noticeable decline in marriages among younger demographics has been observed for at least ten years. In 2014, 2.1 million Indonesians entered into marriage. By 2024, this figure had dropped significantly to just 1.47 million. Official data from the country’s Central Statistics Agency reveals that as of December, fewer than 30 per cent of Indonesians aged between 16 and 30 are married.
Shifting Perceptions of Marriage
Sociologist Desintha Dwi Asriani from Gadjah Mada University in Yogyakarta points to a fundamental shift in what marriage now entails. It’s no longer solely about the ceremony and starting a family. “Things like housing, raising children, and daily expenses become key considerations that make people feel that getting married requires substantial economic resources,” Dr. Asriani explains. Despite these practical hurdles, marriage remains a culturally significant and “encouraged” institution in Indonesia, deeply intertwined with religious values and societal expectations. It’s still widely perceived as a marker of maturity and a person’s standing within the community, with family playing a crucial role in instilling national and religious values.
The Digital Dating Dilemma
While the desire for marriage persists, the journey to finding a partner has become increasingly complex, largely due to the challenges presented by online dating platforms in Indonesia. Talitha herself dabbled in dating apps, only to disengage after repeated encounters with men who were already married or in existing relationships. “When I was younger, I didn’t feel as sceptical toward men,” she reflects. “But now, there’s so much information about men [and their red flags] and scams [on the dating apps], so I’ve become more careful before taking any steps.”
Relationship coach Rastrianez, who uses a single name, corroborates this sentiment, noting that negative online experiences have fostered a sense of fear and apprehension among young Indonesians contemplating marriage. The phrase “Marriage is scary” even became a viral social media trend, particularly on TikTok, a platform heavily frequented by Gen Z. Users shared anxieties about potential infidelity, neglect, making the wrong choice, or finding a partner who doesn’t align with their religious beliefs.
Rastrianez also highlights the paradox of choice offered by dating apps. “When we are faced with too many options, we tend to overthink… because we’re stuck with the idea that there’s always someone better.” This combination of factors is prompting many young Indonesians to reconsider their reliance on dating apps and explore alternative avenues for finding a partner.
A Return to Face-to-Face Connections
One innovative strategy gaining traction involves showcasing single individuals’ CVs in public spaces like shopping centres. The matchmaking service Cindo Match has gained popularity for this approach, displaying curated collections of CVs at malls and events.
These CVs feature profile pictures generated by artificial intelligence. To view the actual photographs of individuals, prospective clients can pay 150,000 rupiah (approximately $12.50 AUD) for access to three profiles, or 250,000 rupiah (approximately $20 AUD) for six. With the explicit consent of the CV owners, their contact details are also provided.
Angeline Chandra, a co-founder of Cindo Match, explained that the inspiration for this model comes from China’s traditional “marriage markets.” She noted that the service’s face-to-face matchmaking events have proven “surprisingly successful,” leading to at least 40 couples currently dating and two marriages directly resulting from their services. Chandra’s clientele, predominantly millennials, express a strong preference for offline interactions over dating apps. “Dating apps [are] a big no-no because there’s a lot of scams and quite a few of my members actually got scammed too,” she stated. Furthermore, she added, “And most of my clients are working and don’t have time for activities other than work, which limits them from meeting and interacting with new people [in person].”
Chandra finds it intriguing that despite the declining marriage rates, her clients consistently voice their desire to get married. She reiterates that financial constraints remain a significant barrier. “Nowadays, people need to work hard to be sustainable,” she says. “Especially in Indonesia, where buying a house is very difficult for certain income groups… which affected the desire to get married.”
Government Intervention and Evolving Societal Views
To support those struggling with the financial burdens of marriage, Indonesia’s Ministry of Religion has initiated a program of subsidised mass weddings. In December, approximately 50 couples participated in a ceremony at the Istiqlal Mosque, receiving dowries, food packages, wedding gifts, and complimentary photo sessions. Two other mass weddings organised by the ministry in June and September saw the attendance of around 200 couples. Following a September event, Religious Affairs Minister Nasaruddin Umar announced that participants would receive accommodation and a grant of 2 million rupiah (approximately $166 AUD) to help them start a business.
However, sociologist Dr. Asriani argues that a mere financial incentive may not be enough to address the deeper societal shifts. She believes the government needs to engage in a more comprehensive analysis and discussion about the evolving nature of marriage to truly increase its appeal beyond financial aid.
Talitha Rarasty, while still holding onto the hope of marriage, has found a measure of peace with her current circumstances. “I’ve tried my best, I’ve looked after myself, worked hard and kept myself open,” she says. “But I believe it’s not the time yet, so I will make peace with the situation and enjoy my life as a single woman.”
